


POUNDED IN MY GAY SITH BUTT BY MY HANDSOME CALL TO THE LIGHT

by ChucktheTingler



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Chuck Tingle - Freeform, Fix-It, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 04:40:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5695147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChucktheTingler/pseuds/ChucktheTingler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Chuck Tingle wrote Star Wars fanfic? Now you know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	POUNDED IN MY GAY SITH BUTT BY MY HANDSOME CALL TO THE LIGHT

I’m just your average, thirty year old, not yet fully independent son of a princess and a smuggler. It’s hard to find love on a Star Destroyer, especially when your boss keeps withholding approval. Feels like most nights it’s just me and the charred remains of my grandfather’s head.

“Show me, Grandfather, and I will finish what you started.”

Darth Vader still hasn’t talked to me. I don’t know if he ever will at this point, but I didn’t come to Lord Snoke just to sit around feeling sorry for myself. I sigh, which comes out sounding reassuringly evil through my helmet, and prepare to go to the gym so I can work on my abs. Just because I’m a Sith now doesn’t mean I can let my body get frail and veiny. Unattractively frail and veiny, that is. There’s a certain balance to keep that Darth Sidious lost when he took too much Force Lightning to the face.

Grandfather wasn’t like that at all. Yeah, I’d seen the photos where he looked like a timid egg, but he was so much more than an egg-like man. He was someone who knew the value of black clothing, looking like a bad boy, and a having a real “give them hell” attitude. I wouldn’t settle for trying to be like any Sith less than Darth Vader—and honestly? No Sith was better. Not even Darth Plagueis, who always looked like his name had been spelled wrong.

As I got up to leave, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Something… bright. I whip around and hold out my hand, ready to Force Crush whomever had interrupted my time with Grandfather. It’s not a stormtrooper. It’s not even a pasty-faced bureaucrat. It’s a pillar of light, and it has a face.

A really, really handsome face, floating above its chiselled abs. The face winks at me and flexes one incredibly toned arm.

“Ben Solo,” says the light, reassuringly.

“That’s not my name anymore!” I snap. “Who in nerf-herding hell are you?”

“I’m your Call To The Light, Ben.”

I want to yell, “No!” and draw it out a long time. But the last time I did that I passed out, so I don’t. I just clench my fists. “I’m Sith. You’re not going to get anywhere with me.”

The Call To The Light laughs. It’s a sexy laugh, and I’m glad the helmet won’t show how I’m blushing. “Oh, Ben. We all know that you’re secretly Jedi.”

“No!” It’s just a small “No!” though. Not more than two seconds of “No!”

“Search your feelings, Ben. You know it to be true.”

I raise my eyebrows inside my helmet. “You’re not… related to me, are you?”

The Call To The Light waves his arms. “No, my son. I mean, my not-son. I’m Jedi Master Mobi-Ron Jakorbi.”

“I don’t know who that is.”

“So we’re definitely not related.”

In my family, that wasn’t a very good reassurance against incest. I should just kick out the Call To the Light and call for Lord Snoke to teach me how to resist it better. Resist _him_. Resist those two Imperial standard meters of hunk. I can’t take my eyes off his big, lightsabre callused hands, and the Call To the Light knows it. He starts to reach down and fondle his immense dick, which peels off from the main column of light and looks like exactly what my naughty Sith mouth wants.

“You know you want to suck my cock,” purrs Mobi-Ron. He’s right. I do. I’m helpless in the face of the Light Side when it’s pumping its dick and winking invitingly at me.

“This means nothing, Mobi-Ron,” I hiss, taking off my helmet and tossing it to the floor. “I’m no Jedi. But I _will_ make you cum for me.”

“We shall see, padawan,” replies the Call To The Light, smugly.  

I want to tell him how much I hate being called a padawan, but I’m already on my knees and he’s pistoning all those centimeters of Jedi dick into my mouth. I know he’s testing me, waiting for me to gag on all of that Force. Mobi-Ron is huge. How did my Call To The Light get so powerful, so hung?

“Hi hill ho oo hnnn hhhaha hnnng ha Harh High!” I moan. _I will show you the power of the Dark Side._

Mobi-Ron just fists his hands in my hair and shoves his dick in deeper. “You’re fucking great at this, Ben,” grunts Mobi-Ron.

That’s when I gag on the Light Side. Refusing to admit defeat, I say, “I want you in my butt, Master Mobi-Ron.”

“Do you now,” the Call To The Light chuckles, but I can see he won’t say no to me. “Get on your knees, Mr. Solo.”

“By Darth Traya’s bad eyesight, stop trying to Force Choke my erection and fuck me up my Sith ass!” I get on my knees anyway and pull down my pants, exposing my butthole to this handsome Force Ghost.

I didn’t need to tell the Call To The Light twice. He lined up his monster cock with my anus and shoved himself inside. It feels incredible.

“Yes, yes, I knew there could be Light inside you,” coos Mobi-Ron.

“Just up my ass!” I remind him. “I’m still a Sith!”

“If you’re a Sith, then what’s this feeling of oneness with the Force that you’re having?”

Mobi-Ron’s right. With each slide of that huge, Light Side cock filling up my hole, I can feel the prostate orgasm coming on. I don’t even want to murder people anymore. I think of calling my parents, just to see how they’re doing, as I reach down to frantically jerk off. I’ve never felt like I’ve been part of something bigger before. Mobi-Ron’s hips are teaching me more about the Force than Uncle Luke’s confusing caves and misremembered Yoda quotes ever could.

“I’m one with the Force!” I scream, jizzing all over the floor. Mobi-Ron finishes right after me, basting my back with hot ropes of semen.

Mobi-Ron holds out a hand to help me up. “I knew there was good in you, Ben.”

I try not to wince, because the Call To The Light taught me an important lesson today, but I still think ‘Ben’ isn’t a cool name. “Thanks,” I reply.

There’s another presence in the room. I turn and there’s my grandfather, looking even younger than I am and not like an egg at all.

“You did the right thing, grandson,” says Anakin Skywalker. “Now put your pants back on and go home.”

**Author's Note:**

> In the spirit of Chuck Tingle, this hasn't been proofread.
> 
>  
> 
>   
>  yes i know kylo's not a sith but it's too funny  
> 


End file.
